My first post. Who fucking cares?

I feel the need to write. I wish I could say I feel this need because I’m reporting my experience on some great journey, faced a big obstacle, and have all the answers. The truth is my journey is currently in progress. I’m not unlike many men my age. My great obstacle is my own ego. My ego tells me almost daily I’m a worthless person, undeserving of my life. My ego says things like “have you thought about this, dumbass?” or “don't speak on that, you know nothing”. My ego is sometimes right. It protects me. I’m sure I’ll cover more on my ego later. My ego is a critical, asshole. I am not my ego. I am not an asshole. Usually :)

I’m writing a blog to work through this. I do not intend to “virtue signal”, and am not pretending to be spiritually superior, or some other ego-driven explanation about my self-actualization. I feel the need to write because I would like a place to collect these thoughts in one place. Journaling has allowed me to separate myself from my thoughts. Put them somewhere for examination. I would like this blog to have more clarity than my journal, but less organized than a book? I don’t know. It may be more like my journal. A journal I’m sharing. A blog. Lol

I want to practice writing. To learn more efficiently and remember and hopefully apply what I learn. I’ve learned (and already forgotten) some pretty cool shit… Jedi shit (I like Star Wars). Stoicism, the dichotomy of control, accepting my own thoughts and judgements as the source of my anger, not events outside my control. Buddhism, calming my monkey mind and meditation as a practice. Psychology, and the Stoic based origins of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Habits, rituals, systems, and spaces to promote calm. Philosophy, religion, and laws of human behavior. I’ve learned to think of myself less without thinking less of myself. I’d like to talk about it all here. If this feels right and flows somewhat effortlessly, I could see myself doing a podcast eventually. I’m not an expert on any of this, but I am a willing participant in my own personal development. I’m my own subject, and I’m trying to objectively observe what works and doesn’t work for me.

So thanks for reading. If you’re receiving this as an email, thank you for subscribing. You might be my cousin or my mom or my wife (which make up ~ 25% of my subscribers). I appreciate your support, family. You might be one of the dozens of “Calm is Strong” followers on IG or Twitter. I am interested to know why you like what I share there, and how it helps you. I am grateful to connect with you.

Anyways… this is my first post. “Who fucking cares?” says my ego. What an asshole.