Imposter Syndrome

I have it. Imposter Syndrome. I know it has its roots in my deep-seated perfectionism. I’ve covered it with my therapist. I do ego and awareness work, and have learned some healthy practices to mitigate it. I may write about it later. (Here’s a list off the top of my head to expand on later - self-awareness, preparation, practice, role play, admit vulnerability and inadequacy in some areas, humility, meditate)

Anyways. It occurred to me recently that no one has actually told me I’m inadequate or stupid, directly to my face, in a very long time. I did go to the Air Force Academy for college, so it happened a lot there, and of course, I live with middle schoolers, but its been a while.

I’m an adult in a professional setting, where I rarely claim to be an expert at anything and generally open minded. I collect as much information as possible before making a decision, which is why it’s so strange to me this happened.

I won’t get into the equally banal and juicy details, but I will say 2 things for context.

1) It happened at work.

2) someone actually said “you don’t know what you’re talking about” and made a few more exaggerated personal attacks about my worth and contributions to our company. Like I said, I won’t get into the details.

This is a potentially damaging scenerio for someone who has impostor syndrome.

For me, I was surprised because it was liberating. Liberated from my feelings of inadequacy. This event helped me realize it and I’m thankful for it.

I’ve learned I don't derive my self worth from my work. Prior to addressing this in therapy and self-reflection, I unknowingly believed I did. I have a fairly open-minded perspective, but prior to understanding, rarely valued my own experience, what I know and bring to the table. I believed I had to be busy. Show everyone my worth, rather than talk about it.

While I still believe actions speak louder than words, thoughtful words and ideas can lead to the right actions.

When this happened, I actually laughed. Most people who know me well, would also laugh because I’ve never been accused of being a know-it-all.

My ego tells me I’m a fool to protect me, so I ask more questions than make assertions. But I made a fairly logical assertion, and was told I was wrong. But here’s the thing. I wasn’t wrong. I was misunderstood. Good.

While it’s pretty unlikely someone will brazenly say “you don’t know what you’re talking about”, people will disagree or dismiss all day long. When this happens, they actually mean they don’t understand your perspective. This a good place to respond from… not hurt or anger.